LOS SPURS: Roe-Day-O Trippin' 2011

Since the inception of the SBC Center in the year 2000 (now the AT&T Center), San Antonio's famed NBA team has been booted from the facility for the duration of the annual slam-jammin' RODEO. This debacle puts the Spurs on the road for nearly two weeks, while the redneckin', yuppified, shit-kickin' bastards of Bexar county rant and rollick to farm animal showcases, bull-riding competitions, and live music. Yes, REAL LIVE MUSIC.

I got some beef. Here's what's on the horizon (synopsis included).

Trekkin' In The Name Of The Alamo

2/1/11 - Vs. Portland: The Trailblazers stand no chance. This pre-rodeo game is just the beginning and will no-doubt end in blazing Tex-Mex success.

2/3/11 - Vs. L.A: ABSOLUTE RIVALS. I hate the Laker's guts. Global Guts. And who's entertaining at the AT&T Center this night, none other than KEVIN FOWLER - the king of crap.

One of the worst "Texas Country" artists to gain mediocre fame, Kevin Fowler seems determined to consistently write dumbass anthems. BEER, BAIT, AND AMMO. 100% TEXAN 'TILL I DIE.

 

Meanwhile, the Spurs have to put up with Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest among other sons a' guns on their home turf. BOGUS BONANZA!

2/4/1 - Vs. Sacramento: The Kings can cram it. After all, TOBY KEITH will be playing in S.A. during this game. KEITH. The Sultan Of Swat. A Forefather of heroic American country anthems. A true cowboy.

2/8/11 - Vs. Detroit: From the West Coast to the city streets of 'Troit, Michigan. It's safe to say that the Silver and Black will shut down the pesky Pistons. Back in Alamo town, country icon turned sitcom humdinger REBA MCENTIRE will be in full bloom. Classical Gas.

2/9/11 - Vs. Toronto: The Raptors are in fact named after an incredibly speedy little dino. A professional athletic team named after a dinosaur is pretty grade-A in my book. But screw it, they're going down! The Canadian dinosaur holocaust will be underway while MERCYME praise the lord on a rotating stage down South. Cool, I guess.

2/11/11 - Vs. Philadelphia: The 76ers will be destroyed by the TACO KINGS. No Holds Barred. Oh yeah, and mom rock sensations TRAIN will be smoothin' the grooves at the rodeo this night. SHE SMOKES A PACK A DAY, WAIT THAT'S ME BUT ANYWAY.

2/12/11 - Vs. Washington: Not much to say. Wizards vs. Spurs. Clay Walker performs. VIVA LA RAZA!

2/14/11 - Vs. New Jersey: Venturing north to Newark. A worthless town full of runts and mutts. Gary Allan takes residence in the River City.

2/17/11 - Vs. Chicago: Windy City Throwdown. This last game of the trip should be a righteous event. It better be, Dr. Lame-oid Shelton, Blake is gonna be takin' it to the next level in S.A.

The Spurs Will Slay On The Open Road.

BOOT SCOOTIN' BOOGIE