Controversial Chit-Chat: Food Within Song

I am a fan of food. I am a fan of song. BUT I AM NOT A FAN OF FOOD IN SONG. 

I can't hang. Here are some prime examples:

Jimmy Buffet - Cheeseburger Paradise 

Not zucchini, fettucini or Bulgar wheat
But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

Jimmy Buffet: What's the deal with this loon? Quit talking about cheeseburgers you sad sack. THIS AIN'T COOL.

Tom Waits - Eggs & Sausage

Eggs and sausage and a side of toast
Coffee and a roll, hash browns over easy
Chile in a bowl with burgers and fries, what kind of pie? 

One of the great American songwriters singing about eggs and sausage. Gimme a break. This DOES NOT make me hungry. It only make me NAUSEOUS. Ramble on you bean-brained trash mongrel.

Tech N9ne - O.G.

I'm hella fine like the food at Ollie Gates
Strawberry baked bean mixed plate

Last time I was in Kansas City I ate at one of the region's most famous BBQ establishments: GATES. Prior to the meal, I was introduced to Tech N9ne's song about the joint. It did not get me excited about my future endeavor, but instead forced me to cringe uncontrollably. The meal was DECENT. The real spectacle was the food's effect on my guttural region, which continued to produce potent gas fumes for the following two weeks.

I'm done talking about food within song. I have a comedic routine to prepare for. 

I AM THE KANG

Gluttony In The 21st Century: FOOD ABUSE

The Cheese. OH YES. The CHEESE.

My dinner regimen for the past two evenings:

• 1 solid chunk (4-6 servings) of baked ziti heavily doused in hot sauce and chipotle peppers
• 1 hearty salad with cheesy ranch dressing and avocados

Dessert

• A film on the television set
• 6-7 brews
• 3 to 4 hefty handfuls of yogurt pretzels
• Several gulps of ice cream
• Assorted cashews, pistachios, and peanuts

I can't help myself. FOOD IS GOOD.

However, I've put on some poundage since my arrival into suburban San Antone. Lately all I've been doing is sitting on my lazy ass and downin' some serious chomp.

At 4am this morning I awoke to some severely sharp pains in my stomache area. In a drowsy stupor, the only words I could mutter aloud were "FOOD ABUSE."

'Twas a night filled with terror. But I made it through. Have I learned my lesson? I'm afraid not. The food is calling my name. It always will be. And I will always follow.

GIMME SOME GORGONZOLA

MATT BONNER OWNS

That's Bonner right there. With the Arcade Fire.
Looks like he spilled some booze on his flannel.

The Red Rocket: King Of The Streets.

Part Mainstream Alternative Lifestyle Advocate. Part Caucasian NBA badass.

He also runs his own blog about sandwiches. The National Basketball Association needs more players like Bonner.

Screw you if you don't agree with me. Go listen to Usher or something. And while you're at it...

GIMME SOME MONEY